top of page

Womb Immersions
GET WET
MENTORSHIP
CLIENT LOVE
CONTACT
More

Use tab to navigate through the menu items.

Courses

Join me on Instagram - @amandacastilone

some moments from life lately, and a poem about the paradox between desire and capacity ♾️🌹🌸🤲🏼
—
sometimes we aren’t a match
for the things
our hearts want
because other things in our lives
need us more
and that’s okay

it’s okay that it hurts
It’s okay that it feels lonely
it’s okay to feel sad

how can we be as open + honest
with ourselnes about all of it?
both sides of the coin
that are equally important

and yet only one side
can ever
face up
at a time

It’s not wrong or bad
It’s just the way it is
- It is what it is -

can you fully see
and be with the side
that’s up, now?

can you sink in?
to every moment
sucking up every last juicy
drop
drop
drop
down deeper we go
into the womb
of life as it is now

breathe in
breathe out
that’s all there is
- this is it -
right here

blink and you’ll miss it
open your eyes
to see it
open your mouth
to taste it…

every last juicy
drop
drop
drop
down deeper we go
🌀

some moments from life lately, and a poem about the paradox between desire and capacity ♾️🌹🌸🤲🏼
—
sometimes we aren’t a match
for the things
our hearts want
because other things in our lives
need us more
and that’s okay

it’s okay that it hurts
It’s okay that it feels lonely
it’s okay to feel sad

how can we be as open + honest
with ourselnes about all of it?
both sides of the coin
that are equally important

and yet only one side
can ever
face up
at a time

It’s not wrong or bad
It’s just the way it is
- It is what it is -

can you fully see
and be with the side
that’s up, now?

can you sink in?
to every moment
sucking up every last juicy
drop
drop
drop
down deeper we go
into the womb
of life as it is now

breathe in
breathe out
that’s all there is
- this is it -
right here

blink and you’ll miss it
open your eyes
to see it
open your mouth
to taste it…

every last juicy
drop
drop
drop
down deeper we go
🌀

Exploring a profound insight from today's somatic womb healing session 🌹 Discover how a simple mindset shift can help you build a more trusting connection with yourself and ultimately unlock emotional freedom 🫶🏼

I’d love to know… was this supportive for you!?

Exploring a profound insight from today's somatic womb healing session 🌹 Discover how a simple mindset shift can help you build a more trusting connection with yourself and ultimately unlock emotional freedom 🫶🏼

I’d love to know… was this supportive for you!?

life is so precious 🪽🤍🫂

life is so precious 🪽🤍🫂

some moments of beauty over the past two weeks while we’ve been displaced. this has been such a wildly intense time that no one was prepared for and i’m doing my best to find all the gifts that are here, existing side by side with the intensity and unknowns

I am endlessly, eternally grateful for my tea practice that anchors me and for my devotion to it
grateful for a safe place to be with family
for willa getting unexpected time with her grandparents and
for being in buffalo for the start of fall 🍁

and so soooo grateful that we finally have power back to our house and can go home this weekend! 🙏🏻

some moments of beauty over the past two weeks while we’ve been displaced. this has been such a wildly intense time that no one was prepared for and i’m doing my best to find all the gifts that are here, existing side by side with the intensity and unknowns

I am endlessly, eternally grateful for my tea practice that anchors me and for my devotion to it
grateful for a safe place to be with family
for willa getting unexpected time with her grandparents and
for being in buffalo for the start of fall 🍁

and so soooo grateful that we finally have power back to our house and can go home this weekend! 🙏🏻

4 years of sacred union 🕊️💍
12 years together riding the wildly beautiful waves of life
3 places we’ve called home together 🏡
2 children 👧🏼🐶 earthside
♾️ lifetimes of loving each other

I love you @macvittiemotorcycles and i’m proud of us 🫶🏼

4 years of sacred union 🕊️💍
12 years together riding the wildly beautiful waves of life
3 places we’ve called home together 🏡
2 children 👧🏼🐶 earthside
♾️ lifetimes of loving each other

I love you @macvittiemotorcycles and i’m proud of us 🫶🏼

please keep Asheville and all the tiny mountain towns in WNC in your awareness, hearts, and prayers. the destruction and devastation is unimaginable. we need people to care, to share (!!!), to donate, to pray, to support in any way they can. our beautiful city and towns are going to have a very long road to recovery and it will be quite some time before we even know what “normal” is.

this isn’t getting the media / news attention that it should be 😰

i’ve saved my stories to a highlight on my page for you to view. it includes many ways to help, one of the best be through donations to @belovedasheville 🙏🏻

we’re grateful for everyone who’s checked in on us and who has us in their hearts. 🤍

#hurricainehelene #helene #asheville #belovedasheville

please keep Asheville and all the tiny mountain towns in WNC in your awareness, hearts, and prayers. the destruction and devastation is unimaginable. we need people to care, to share (!!!), to donate, to pray, to support in any way they can. our beautiful city and towns are going to have a very long road to recovery and it will be quite some time before we even know what “normal” is.

this isn’t getting the media / news attention that it should be 😰

i’ve saved my stories to a highlight on my page for you to view. it includes many ways to help, one of the best be through donations to @belovedasheville 🙏🏻

we’re grateful for everyone who’s checked in on us and who has us in their hearts. 🤍

#hurricainehelene #helene #asheville #belovedasheville

I shared this little insight on my stories yesterday and so many of you resonated and felt seen and said that it came at the perfect time for you to hear 🙏🏻

I really love how the things that I find myself repeatedly witnessing in my clients or my own life very often (always?) resonates with many many others. We are all on this journey together, experiencing the same things in different ways. And it feels so good to be seen and to realize we’re not alone!

Tell me… do you agree with my share here? What have you noticed in your own relationship around sharing your heart unfiltered?

I shared this little insight on my stories yesterday and so many of you resonated and felt seen and said that it came at the perfect time for you to hear 🙏🏻

I really love how the things that I find myself repeatedly witnessing in my clients or my own life very often (always?) resonates with many many others. We are all on this journey together, experiencing the same things in different ways. And it feels so good to be seen and to realize we’re not alone!

Tell me… do you agree with my share here? What have you noticed in your own relationship around sharing your heart unfiltered?

i know that all this self work can sometimes feel confusing, terrifying, inconvenient and even pointless

like you’re doing the things your soul is asking of you, but nothing is shifting

you’re still showing up in your old patterns, still reacting, still seeking

until one day you aren’t.

until one day, out of “nowhere” you respond to a conflict with way more grounded compassion than you ever had before

until one day you bring something to your partner that has been silently hurting you, with no blame or victimhood, just sharing your process

until one day you actually ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED with grace and your full heart instead of waiting around for them to figure it out

until one day you look back and realize…

holy shit, every single piece of this wild, painful at times and heart breaking (opening) journey has led you here.

where you’re breaking generational trauma in real time with conscious awareness, resilience and a prayer in your heart for a sweeter and more loving future 🤍

i promise that if this can happen for me, it can for you to.

>> keep showing up for yourself, even when it feels terrifying and vulnerable
>> keep trusting the process, even when your brain is confused
>> keep your sights set on Love, and know that you are worthy

i know that all this self work can sometimes feel confusing, terrifying, inconvenient and even pointless

like you’re doing the things your soul is asking of you, but nothing is shifting

you’re still showing up in your old patterns, still reacting, still seeking

until one day you aren’t.

until one day, out of “nowhere” you respond to a conflict with way more grounded compassion than you ever had before

until one day you bring something to your partner that has been silently hurting you, with no blame or victimhood, just sharing your process

until one day you actually ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED with grace and your full heart instead of waiting around for them to figure it out

until one day you look back and realize…

holy shit, every single piece of this wild, painful at times and heart breaking (opening) journey has led you here.

where you’re breaking generational trauma in real time with conscious awareness, resilience and a prayer in your heart for a sweeter and more loving future 🤍

i promise that if this can happen for me, it can for you to.

>> keep showing up for yourself, even when it feels terrifying and vulnerable
>> keep trusting the process, even when your brain is confused
>> keep your sights set on Love, and know that you are worthy

not many people talk about the connection between birth and death

how - if you want to have a sovereign birth - you must be willing to look at death (and your fear of it) and allow your perceived self to die a thousand times

no one talks about what it really takes to untangle yourself from the systems that we’ve been conditioned to believe in…

what that feels like in your body
what truly trusting your body and your divine intuition feels like when you’re pregnant quite literally faced with with life and death

when we’re so used to swimming with the current, it can feel crazy, terrifying and even impossible to swim upstream - even when our hearts, wombs and souls are telling us that it’s the way

>>because our bodies are holding on to things that we must meet in order to cross that threshold<<

to me this is the real birth prep, the prenatal care that all women deserve

someone to walk with you as you untangle, detach and let go of the familiar in service to the Divine Mystery where you get to co-create magic and literally bring Heaven to Earth through your sacred womb

THIS is my mission as a somatic guide for sovereign birth
🌹❤️‍🔥🐍🌀

📷 @corrineelainephotography

not many people talk about the connection between birth and death

how - if you want to have a sovereign birth - you must be willing to look at death (and your fear of it) and allow your perceived self to die a thousand times

no one talks about what it really takes to untangle yourself from the systems that we’ve been conditioned to believe in…

what that feels like in your body
what truly trusting your body and your divine intuition feels like when you’re pregnant quite literally faced with with life and death

when we’re so used to swimming with the current, it can feel crazy, terrifying and even impossible to swim upstream - even when our hearts, wombs and souls are telling us that it’s the way

>>because our bodies are holding on to things that we must meet in order to cross that threshold<<

to me this is the real birth prep, the prenatal care that all women deserve

someone to walk with you as you untangle, detach and let go of the familiar in service to the Divine Mystery where you get to co-create magic and literally bring Heaven to Earth through your sacred womb

THIS is my mission as a somatic guide for sovereign birth
🌹❤️‍🔥🐍🌀

📷 @corrineelainephotography

may we all love who we see in the mirror as much as Willa does 😍😂🥰❤️‍🔥

may we all love who we see in the mirror as much as Willa does 😍😂🥰❤️‍🔥

I am here to teach you how to listen to and process through your body so you can birth your babies and your creations however *you* choose

I am a Somatic Guide and Womb Healer for women who desire to birth sovereign + free 🕊️🌹

This is somatic healing for sovereign birth with the intention of guiding you deeply into your own body, heart, womb and soul to emerge with full trust and confidence in yourself and your choices.

Deep down, you want to have a wild pregnancy and sovereign birth, but you feel afraid.

I really get it. This journey brings up so much and there are so many unknowns… and I deeply believe that you are capable.

I know that your body holds the exact map that you’ve been searching for to deeply trust yourself in all areas, but especially your pregnancy + birth.

You just need support, someone to walk with you. Someone who can truly see you and hold space for your unraveling and coming home to your innate power as Woman and Mother

as you do the work to untangle the web of conditioning and erect fierce boundaries for yourself along this path.

It is the deepest journey that I’ve ever known and I feel incredibly honored and excited for the women that I will support in this way.

I have one special space open to begin in August for this work. If you are feeling the call, I am ready for you 🤍

📷 @corrineelainephotography

I am here to teach you how to listen to and process through your body so you can birth your babies and your creations however *you* choose

I am a Somatic Guide and Womb Healer for women who desire to birth sovereign + free 🕊️🌹

This is somatic healing for sovereign birth with the intention of guiding you deeply into your own body, heart, womb and soul to emerge with full trust and confidence in yourself and your choices.

Deep down, you want to have a wild pregnancy and sovereign birth, but you feel afraid.

I really get it. This journey brings up so much and there are so many unknowns… and I deeply believe that you are capable.

I know that your body holds the exact map that you’ve been searching for to deeply trust yourself in all areas, but especially your pregnancy + birth.

You just need support, someone to walk with you. Someone who can truly see you and hold space for your unraveling and coming home to your innate power as Woman and Mother

as you do the work to untangle the web of conditioning and erect fierce boundaries for yourself along this path.

It is the deepest journey that I’ve ever known and I feel incredibly honored and excited for the women that I will support in this way.

I have one special space open to begin in August for this work. If you are feeling the call, I am ready for you 🤍

📷 @corrineelainephotography

my body was asking for rest so l cancelled my workout
but I still feel like I did the “wrong” thing
because I do desire to move more mostly a pure desire but there’s a sneaky part: i’ve been feeling self conscious in my different body post baby.
this old belief that I “should” push myself and do more to change myself
I continuously, consciously
unsubscribe from that every time it comes up
and I can feel it untangling on the very deepest levels each time
and yet there’s still this desire to move my body more underneath it all
I don’t have the answers right now, and l know the answers aren’t the important part
it’s the inquiry, the listening, the feeling
that matters more to me than anything else
so here l am in my happy place letting myself soften and resting in the knowing that when it’s truly the right time for me to shift out of this, I will 🕊️

my body was asking for rest so l cancelled my workout
but I still feel like I did the “wrong” thing
because I do desire to move more mostly a pure desire but there’s a sneaky part: i’ve been feeling self conscious in my different body post baby.
this old belief that I “should” push myself and do more to change myself
I continuously, consciously
unsubscribe from that every time it comes up
and I can feel it untangling on the very deepest levels each time
and yet there’s still this desire to move my body more underneath it all
I don’t have the answers right now, and l know the answers aren’t the important part
it’s the inquiry, the listening, the feeling
that matters more to me than anything else
so here l am in my happy place letting myself soften and resting in the knowing that when it’s truly the right time for me to shift out of this, I will 🕊️

over the past 9+ months, i’ve had a deep wound from a past life resurface repeatedly 👁️

long story short, in a past life I was part of a powerful circle of Divine Feminine Priestesses and I was deeply connected to God and my mission. I walked forward on that path with such clarity of heart and intention… and I was cast out and exiled by those closest to me.

One of the most painful Soul traumas.
It was confusing, gut wrenching, enraging
How could you love me and not accept this about me and my life? and yet I still walked my path.
Because I knew my Sacred Responsibility was more important than being comfortable or understood.

Fast forward to this lifetime…

I started to share about my truths, the way I feel called to walk through this life, and I got backlash.
People talking about me, exiting my life in big and small ways, making comments directly to me + behind my back, judging me, engaging without curiosity or the desire to understand me

ouch 🥵

I felt it again: confusion, gut-wrenching fear, rage. I could see what was happening… that this old trauma was still playing out in this lifetime.

After consciously moving through the waves of fear (like when I publicly shared my free birth video online and people thought that was an invitation to comment their projections onto my sacred experience)…

Now I’m like Bring It. Exile me. Talk about me. Show me where I’m not received so that I can more easily and quickly find my place with the people I’m meant to frolic through this life with ✌🏼

The fear and sadness and confusion from that past life may still live in me, but so does that fiery passion and steadfast commitment to my higher purpose ❤️‍🔥

And in this life, I am safe and free to express myself and follow God’s mission for me: to bring Heaven to Earth in and through my body so that I can open that frequency and guide others to do the same 🕊️

I’ve got that big Saturn moving thru my 1st House energy, asking me to claim who tf I am in this life, and I gotta say it feels goood. I’m going to share more about how this is impacting + shifting my work in the world so stay tuned. Big beautiful things are on the horizon 🤍

over the past 9+ months, i’ve had a deep wound from a past life resurface repeatedly 👁️

long story short, in a past life I was part of a powerful circle of Divine Feminine Priestesses and I was deeply connected to God and my mission. I walked forward on that path with such clarity of heart and intention… and I was cast out and exiled by those closest to me.

One of the most painful Soul traumas.
It was confusing, gut wrenching, enraging
How could you love me and not accept this about me and my life? and yet I still walked my path.
Because I knew my Sacred Responsibility was more important than being comfortable or understood.

Fast forward to this lifetime…

I started to share about my truths, the way I feel called to walk through this life, and I got backlash.
People talking about me, exiting my life in big and small ways, making comments directly to me + behind my back, judging me, engaging without curiosity or the desire to understand me

ouch 🥵

I felt it again: confusion, gut-wrenching fear, rage. I could see what was happening… that this old trauma was still playing out in this lifetime.

After consciously moving through the waves of fear (like when I publicly shared my free birth video online and people thought that was an invitation to comment their projections onto my sacred experience)…

Now I’m like Bring It. Exile me. Talk about me. Show me where I’m not received so that I can more easily and quickly find my place with the people I’m meant to frolic through this life with ✌🏼

The fear and sadness and confusion from that past life may still live in me, but so does that fiery passion and steadfast commitment to my higher purpose ❤️‍🔥

And in this life, I am safe and free to express myself and follow God’s mission for me: to bring Heaven to Earth in and through my body so that I can open that frequency and guide others to do the same 🕊️

I’ve got that big Saturn moving thru my 1st House energy, asking me to claim who tf I am in this life, and I gotta say it feels goood. I’m going to share more about how this is impacting + shifting my work in the world so stay tuned. Big beautiful things are on the horizon 🤍

giving this a permanent place on my feed so that I can reflect on it later on 🤍

yesterday was the longest I have ever been away from willa... 8ish hours (!!)

it feels like a big turning point, a milestone of sorts. she was fine without me which of course is a relief and means that mama has more freedom...
and it also feels a bit sad because she doesn’t need me as much as she once did, and I know that as the days go on she’ll need me less and less
and then again I can feel the joy in that
- my baby is becoming more and more herself, trusting herself, becoming more independent and I have the space to devote to other things that also give me so much purpose and fill me with joy
and then… back into the grief of time moving so fast I fall
what a ride ♾️

giving this a permanent place on my feed so that I can reflect on it later on 🤍

yesterday was the longest I have ever been away from willa... 8ish hours (!!)

it feels like a big turning point, a milestone of sorts. she was fine without me which of course is a relief and means that mama has more freedom...
and it also feels a bit sad because she doesn’t need me as much as she once did, and I know that as the days go on she’ll need me less and less
and then again I can feel the joy in that
- my baby is becoming more and more herself, trusting herself, becoming more independent and I have the space to devote to other things that also give me so much purpose and fill me with joy
and then… back into the grief of time moving so fast I fall
what a ride ♾️

We had the sweetest birthday party for Willa this weekend
🐥🌸🫶🏼

I am so grateful for our families and friends who came from near and far to celebrate our chicken girl! thank you all, we love you so much!

And special thanks to auntie @amy__berryhill for making the most delicious and beautiful cake 🥹🌼🪻

I don’t know if i’ll ever get over the fact that my baby is already one year old. it’ll probably take me a year… and then she’ll be two 🫠 #motherhood

We had the sweetest birthday party for Willa this weekend
🐥🌸🫶🏼

I am so grateful for our families and friends who came from near and far to celebrate our chicken girl! thank you all, we love you so much!

And special thanks to auntie @amy__berryhill for making the most delicious and beautiful cake 🥹🌼🪻

I don’t know if i’ll ever get over the fact that my baby is already one year old. it’ll probably take me a year… and then she’ll be two 🫠 #motherhood

reflections on one full year of motherhood 🪞

for me motherhood has been rich with intense duality -
incredibly beautiful and painful, often at the same time

i’m full of such joy watching this endlessly curious, magical human grow and I feel so much grief wishing I could hold on to each moment just a bit longer

each night I think to myself, often with tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart, “i’ll never have today Willa again. she’ll be different in some small way tomorrow.”

and yet moments later I find myself full of gratitude that I get to be the one to know her deeply and witness her each day

after my birth -one year ago today- I realized that my whole life I felt like something was missing, but I didn’t even know it until I looked into her eyes and felt her skin on my skin..
something in me clicked into place - Mother.
it’s what my soul and womb had been longing for

I don’t think there are words to express how at home I feel in this sacred role. Thank you Willa Jade for being you and for choosing me to be your Mama 🫶🏼🤍✨

reflections on one full year of motherhood 🪞

for me motherhood has been rich with intense duality -
incredibly beautiful and painful, often at the same time

i’m full of such joy watching this endlessly curious, magical human grow and I feel so much grief wishing I could hold on to each moment just a bit longer

each night I think to myself, often with tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart, “i’ll never have today Willa again. she’ll be different in some small way tomorrow.”

and yet moments later I find myself full of gratitude that I get to be the one to know her deeply and witness her each day

after my birth -one year ago today- I realized that my whole life I felt like something was missing, but I didn’t even know it until I looked into her eyes and felt her skin on my skin..
something in me clicked into place - Mother.
it’s what my soul and womb had been longing for

I don’t think there are words to express how at home I feel in this sacred role. Thank you Willa Jade for being you and for choosing me to be your Mama 🫶🏼🤍✨

happy 1st birth day to my sweet, curious, goofy, feisty, free-spirited, nature loving girl. It’s the greatest honor of my life being your mama and getting to watch you grow. You are a gift and I don’t take one single second with you for granted. I love you, chicken ✨🫶🏼🤍🐥

happy 1st birth day to my sweet, curious, goofy, feisty, free-spirited, nature loving girl. It’s the greatest honor of my life being your mama and getting to watch you grow. You are a gift and I don’t take one single second with you for granted. I love you, chicken ✨🫶🏼🤍🐥

one year ago tonight I went to sleep a Maiden and woke up a Mother…

at 1:30am I fully entered my birth portal and embarked on the most intense and beautiful journey of my life.
I had a sense in my pregnancy that my birth was going to be THE medicine ceremony that my heart and soul had been searching for… and wow, was I right
I couldn’t have fathomed the depths i’d traverse, within my own body and through other realms, in just 5 and a half hours.
it has felt like the most sacred honor and responsibility to be the one who brought such a special, sweet, silly, wild + free Being to the world. how did I get this lucky?!
My love for myself has deepened in ways I didn’t know were possible because she chose ME to be her mama and i’m so grateful 🙏🏻

more reflections on this past year coming tomorrow ✨🤍

one year ago tonight I went to sleep a Maiden and woke up a Mother…

at 1:30am I fully entered my birth portal and embarked on the most intense and beautiful journey of my life.
I had a sense in my pregnancy that my birth was going to be THE medicine ceremony that my heart and soul had been searching for… and wow, was I right
I couldn’t have fathomed the depths i’d traverse, within my own body and through other realms, in just 5 and a half hours.
it has felt like the most sacred honor and responsibility to be the one who brought such a special, sweet, silly, wild + free Being to the world. how did I get this lucky?!
My love for myself has deepened in ways I didn’t know were possible because she chose ME to be her mama and i’m so grateful 🙏🏻

more reflections on this past year coming tomorrow ✨🤍

i’ve been really soaking up the incredibly beautiful magic that is all around us lately. feeling on purpose, grounded, connected, alive and so grateful 🤍
this day lit my heart and soul on fire in the best way ❤️‍🔥

i’ve been really soaking up the incredibly beautiful magic that is all around us lately. feeling on purpose, grounded, connected, alive and so grateful 🤍
this day lit my heart and soul on fire in the best way ❤️‍🔥

and what came through loud and clear was:
“welcome to the way of the medicine woman”

((part 2 to prev post))

oooooooof

I resisted it for a while.. “uhh nope I didn’t sign up for this. it isn’t fair”

and then less than 24 hours later it all started to alchemize

of course that’s what happens for me…
my WHOLE LIFE is a medicine journey already
i’m in a psychedelic space on the regular
I am always intuitively searching for the meaning, the gift and the magic of each experience
I let myself drop into regular every day moments and see them for what they really are - magical portals

not to mention i’m so much more open and sensitive after birthing than I ever was (and I was pretty sensitive and open before!)

I realized on a deeper level that I am the medicine.
that my body IS the way.
that sinking into my breath in each moment is the micro-dose i was really searching for.
that my mastery, in this phase of my life, is being so incredibly present and sober to the wild journey that is mothering.

I am a medicine woman. but that doesn’t mean I have to ingest something to go on a journey.

I feel a new level of refinement in my life and work emerging here and it feels effortless, easy, exciting and liberating.
🕊️🤍❤️‍🔥

and what came through loud and clear was:
“welcome to the way of the medicine woman”

((part 2 to prev post))

oooooooof

I resisted it for a while.. “uhh nope I didn’t sign up for this. it isn’t fair”

and then less than 24 hours later it all started to alchemize

of course that’s what happens for me…
my WHOLE LIFE is a medicine journey already
i’m in a psychedelic space on the regular
I am always intuitively searching for the meaning, the gift and the magic of each experience
I let myself drop into regular every day moments and see them for what they really are - magical portals

not to mention i’m so much more open and sensitive after birthing than I ever was (and I was pretty sensitive and open before!)

I realized on a deeper level that I am the medicine.
that my body IS the way.
that sinking into my breath in each moment is the micro-dose i was really searching for.
that my mastery, in this phase of my life, is being so incredibly present and sober to the wild journey that is mothering.

I am a medicine woman. but that doesn’t mean I have to ingest something to go on a journey.

I feel a new level of refinement in my life and work emerging here and it feels effortless, easy, exciting and liberating.
🕊️🤍❤️‍🔥

the way of the medicine woman is to allow everything to be medicine

some things are a soothing balm
or a nourishing salve
others are like a bitter tincture
or a hard pill to swallow

and others bring about more discomfort, interacting with the things inside that need to die off before the system can experience lasting health

but the medicine woman trusts in it all and sees beyond the initial bitterness or discomfort

she sinks into the knowing that it is ALL medicine for the mystical and truly liberating life she’s here to live
so that she can bring that healing back to her people as an embodied frequency
rather than something to be taught or talked about

I had an experience this week where I took a micro, microdose, seeking some gentle mood support, and was instead delivered a full blown journey… for 5 hours

it was, to put it lightly, uncomfortable. trying to go through normal life with an 7.5 month old baby who’s crawling and on the verge of walking while feeling like you’re in another dimension… not so fun. or I guess it could be but it definitely wasn’t for me 😆

I found myself asking “why is it that everyone else microdoses and feels ease and peace, but I take a tiny little nibble and i’m pulled into the depths?? where’s the lightness for me??”

part 2 in next post 🤍

the way of the medicine woman is to allow everything to be medicine

some things are a soothing balm
or a nourishing salve
others are like a bitter tincture
or a hard pill to swallow

and others bring about more discomfort, interacting with the things inside that need to die off before the system can experience lasting health

but the medicine woman trusts in it all and sees beyond the initial bitterness or discomfort

she sinks into the knowing that it is ALL medicine for the mystical and truly liberating life she’s here to live
so that she can bring that healing back to her people as an embodied frequency
rather than something to be taught or talked about

I had an experience this week where I took a micro, microdose, seeking some gentle mood support, and was instead delivered a full blown journey… for 5 hours

it was, to put it lightly, uncomfortable. trying to go through normal life with an 7.5 month old baby who’s crawling and on the verge of walking while feeling like you’re in another dimension… not so fun. or I guess it could be but it definitely wasn’t for me 😆

I found myself asking “why is it that everyone else microdoses and feels ease and peace, but I take a tiny little nibble and i’m pulled into the depths?? where’s the lightness for me??”

part 2 in next post 🤍

the emergence of Willa Jade ❤️‍🔥

i’m in awe of myself every day for Free Birthing my first baby. I had NO idea free birth (birth without a professional present) was even a thing that I could do before getting pregnant. And now I think it’s so incredibly sad that I didn’t know that I had full sovereignty and autonomy over my body, my life.

I always knew I wanted to birth at home but then the mystical depth of my pregnancy revealed the deep knowing, the calling, that a wild and free birth was for me.

when I started sharing the call I felt to free birth I received SO MUCH projection and fear from other people. I feel so proud of myself for anchoring in my knowing and power and not letting that sway me.

My birth was 5.5 hours from start to finish, contractions began at 1:30am 4 minutes apart (see my previous post for clips of my labor) and Willa was born at 7:06am (watch daddy’s last second catch!!)

I don’t know if free birthing is for everyone.
But what I do want every woman to know is that it’s an option, you are capable, and if you’re feeling the call, listen 🤍🕊️

the emergence of Willa Jade ❤️‍🔥

i’m in awe of myself every day for Free Birthing my first baby. I had NO idea free birth (birth without a professional present) was even a thing that I could do before getting pregnant. And now I think it’s so incredibly sad that I didn’t know that I had full sovereignty and autonomy over my body, my life.

I always knew I wanted to birth at home but then the mystical depth of my pregnancy revealed the deep knowing, the calling, that a wild and free birth was for me.

when I started sharing the call I felt to free birth I received SO MUCH projection and fear from other people. I feel so proud of myself for anchoring in my knowing and power and not letting that sway me.

My birth was 5.5 hours from start to finish, contractions began at 1:30am 4 minutes apart (see my previous post for clips of my labor) and Willa was born at 7:06am (watch daddy’s last second catch!!)

I don’t know if free birthing is for everyone.
But what I do want every woman to know is that it’s an option, you are capable, and if you’re feeling the call, listen 🤍🕊️

6 months ago i was reborn through the most intense, primal, mind bending ceremony of my life: my first birth ❤️‍🔥

i felt things in my body I had never even come close to touching before

Sounds roared through me like an ancient primal prayer

I surrendered to my body in a way I didn’t think I could - I let my uterus do ALL the “pushing”… (I had the FER for at least 3 hours)

I felt the depths of my NEED for help, support and holding AND I was supported and witnessed and loved in a way I never thought possible (I love you @macvittiemotorcycles)

I went to another dimension, the only way I can describe it is I was SO in my body and entirely somewhere else at the same time

I felt like I was going to die basically the whole time because I WAS dying - the me who came to the altar of birth died. her sweet maiden essence was fully present during this experience and through the final emergence of my baby (next post!!!!) she let go into the ultimate surrender so that the Mother could be born 🕊️

6 months ago i was reborn through the most intense, primal, mind bending ceremony of my life: my first birth ❤️‍🔥

i felt things in my body I had never even come close to touching before

Sounds roared through me like an ancient primal prayer

I surrendered to my body in a way I didn’t think I could - I let my uterus do ALL the “pushing”… (I had the FER for at least 3 hours)

I felt the depths of my NEED for help, support and holding AND I was supported and witnessed and loved in a way I never thought possible (I love you @macvittiemotorcycles)

I went to another dimension, the only way I can describe it is I was SO in my body and entirely somewhere else at the same time

I felt like I was going to die basically the whole time because I WAS dying - the me who came to the altar of birth died. her sweet maiden essence was fully present during this experience and through the final emergence of my baby (next post!!!!) she let go into the ultimate surrender so that the Mother could be born 🕊️

I am so grateful for this life. For the love that I get to - and CHOOSE to - experience every day.

One of my birth affirmations was: “I am supported by the Love, Joy and Beauty that is always available to me” (last photo)

and it’s really my affirmation for life.
There is so. much. beauty. here even when we can’t see it or think it’s not.

i was reflecting yesterday on how far i’ve come in being able to really SEE what is available to me in all the experiences in my life, especially the difficult ones, and how I’m able to really look objectively at what’s happening - something I couldn’t do years ago.

it feels so good to lean into what I believe to be true - that my Universe is kind and loving and is always serving me, and that there is love, beauty and gifts in ALL things. And to really be able to witness how this trust and belief has helped me be softer, gentler and more compassionate with myself.

i’m so grateful to all the past versions of me who kept going, kept searching, kept doing the work to bring me here in this reality - a mother 🥹 with a husband and daughter and pup that I love so much. with clients that inspire me and bring me so much joy to support, with the abundance that I have, friends that love me so much, improving relationships with my family - all of it

thank you for being here to witness my journey. I love you!

📷: @corrineelainephotography

I am so grateful for this life. For the love that I get to - and CHOOSE to - experience every day.

One of my birth affirmations was: “I am supported by the Love, Joy and Beauty that is always available to me” (last photo)

and it’s really my affirmation for life.
There is so. much. beauty. here even when we can’t see it or think it’s not.

i was reflecting yesterday on how far i’ve come in being able to really SEE what is available to me in all the experiences in my life, especially the difficult ones, and how I’m able to really look objectively at what’s happening - something I couldn’t do years ago.

it feels so good to lean into what I believe to be true - that my Universe is kind and loving and is always serving me, and that there is love, beauty and gifts in ALL things. And to really be able to witness how this trust and belief has helped me be softer, gentler and more compassionate with myself.

i’m so grateful to all the past versions of me who kept going, kept searching, kept doing the work to bring me here in this reality - a mother 🥹 with a husband and daughter and pup that I love so much. with clients that inspire me and bring me so much joy to support, with the abundance that I have, friends that love me so much, improving relationships with my family - all of it

thank you for being here to witness my journey. I love you!

📷: @corrineelainephotography

b r e a s t f e e d i n g ✨

I love that Willa looks to me for the nourishment and comfort that only I (and my body) can provide. It feels like the most special bond in the entire world that i just can’t imagine not knowing. I feel so grateful and lucky to experience this, and even though it can be hard sometimes (especially bc she won’t take a bottle) I wouldn’t have it any other way.

every time she nurses it offers me the opportunity to pause. breathe. slow down. savor the moment. and just BE with her.

I look at all the tiny folds in her ears, feel her warm breath on my skin, marvel at the wild sensation of my milk letting down, listen to her coos and swallows, feel her little hands on each side of my breast squeezing and hugging, and feel her little belly rise and fall with each breath she takes, knowing that she feels so safe and held and loved 🤍

and when she looks up at me, reaches for my face and smiles (often spitting her milk all over me) it’s just the most incredibly sweet feeling.

the mother-baby bond is just so special. so tender. i’m in awe of natures perfect design and grateful that i get to be a mama - her mama - in this lifetime 🌸🫶🏼✨🥹

b r e a s t f e e d i n g ✨

I love that Willa looks to me for the nourishment and comfort that only I (and my body) can provide. It feels like the most special bond in the entire world that i just can’t imagine not knowing. I feel so grateful and lucky to experience this, and even though it can be hard sometimes (especially bc she won’t take a bottle) I wouldn’t have it any other way.

every time she nurses it offers me the opportunity to pause. breathe. slow down. savor the moment. and just BE with her.

I look at all the tiny folds in her ears, feel her warm breath on my skin, marvel at the wild sensation of my milk letting down, listen to her coos and swallows, feel her little hands on each side of my breast squeezing and hugging, and feel her little belly rise and fall with each breath she takes, knowing that she feels so safe and held and loved 🤍

and when she looks up at me, reaches for my face and smiles (often spitting her milk all over me) it’s just the most incredibly sweet feeling.

the mother-baby bond is just so special. so tender. i’m in awe of natures perfect design and grateful that i get to be a mama - her mama - in this lifetime 🌸🫶🏼✨🥹

the most challenging and rewarding and heart opening season of my life by far 🤍

I am in love with it all. sure there are many (many) moments where I feel defeated and hopeless and like this is all too much…

and there are even more moments where I feel such incredible joy and love and ease in my body. like this is the life I was so clearly meant for.

and I see that in these photos. the joy in my (tired) eyes. the palpable love and closeness that we share. the beauty in the simple small moments. the playfulness even amidst the hard (willa had a meltdown in the car on the way to the shoot, naturally 🙃)

i know i’ll look back on this time in our journey and miss it. i’m thankful for the incredibly kind and talented @corrineelainephotography for capturing the love 🤍

the most challenging and rewarding and heart opening season of my life by far 🤍

I am in love with it all. sure there are many (many) moments where I feel defeated and hopeless and like this is all too much…

and there are even more moments where I feel such incredible joy and love and ease in my body. like this is the life I was so clearly meant for.

and I see that in these photos. the joy in my (tired) eyes. the palpable love and closeness that we share. the beauty in the simple small moments. the playfulness even amidst the hard (willa had a meltdown in the car on the way to the shoot, naturally 🙃)

i know i’ll look back on this time in our journey and miss it. i’m thankful for the incredibly kind and talented @corrineelainephotography for capturing the love 🤍

I love this modality because to me it’s not a modality - it’s a remembering.. a re-learning the language of your body to more deeply know and understand yourself. My commitment to this work (both as a receiver and a facilitator)has completely changed my life and opened me up in ways I truly never thought possible.

i’ve got two ways to support you:
- WET - self paced MAGIC in your back pocket at all times (l!nk in b!o)
- 1:1 - regular deeeeeeep dives with me holding the container for your ultimate safety and expansion. Waitlist open

PS. This post channeled through me in the middle of the night in my half lucid-half asleep state while nursing Willa (as many things do these days) and I knew it wanted to be shared today 🖤

I love this modality because to me it’s not a modality - it’s a remembering.. a re-learning the language of your body to more deeply know and understand yourself. My commitment to this work (both as a receiver and a facilitator)has completely changed my life and opened me up in ways I truly never thought possible.

i’ve got two ways to support you:
- WET - self paced MAGIC in your back pocket at all times (l!nk in b!o)
- 1:1 - regular deeeeeeep dives with me holding the container for your ultimate safety and expansion. Waitlist open

PS. This post channeled through me in the middle of the night in my half lucid-half asleep state while nursing Willa (as many things do these days) and I knew it wanted to be shared today 🖤

sweet fall family moments 🍁

really settling into this mama role and finding so much purpose, contentment and joy here 🤍 amidst - and really because of - the moments that feel so challenging.

I love how this journey shows me so much of myself. I find myself asking “what do I choose in this moment?”… do I choose reaction, patterned response, closure? or do I choose to bring the light, the love, and see the opportunity available to me within the hard moments and lean allllll the way into them?

I’ve been finding it easier and easier to choose to bring the love, to myself and the moment. i’m not perfect (but that’s not my goal) and it’s definitely harder in the middle of the night after my 5th wake up 🥴 but I am proud of myself for the times when I can choose out of an old pattern. and offering myself compassion when I don’t because i’m human and i’m navigating a whoooooolleeee new reality over here (thanks for the loving reflection sister @authentiffany_ )

sweet fall family moments 🍁

really settling into this mama role and finding so much purpose, contentment and joy here 🤍 amidst - and really because of - the moments that feel so challenging.

I love how this journey shows me so much of myself. I find myself asking “what do I choose in this moment?”… do I choose reaction, patterned response, closure? or do I choose to bring the light, the love, and see the opportunity available to me within the hard moments and lean allllll the way into them?

I’ve been finding it easier and easier to choose to bring the love, to myself and the moment. i’m not perfect (but that’s not my goal) and it’s definitely harder in the middle of the night after my 5th wake up 🥴 but I am proud of myself for the times when I can choose out of an old pattern. and offering myself compassion when I don’t because i’m human and i’m navigating a whoooooolleeee new reality over here (thanks for the loving reflection sister @authentiffany_ )

weekends with my cute little family make my heart so happy 🥹

getting out on the town, exploring our new home for the first time since moving… now that we kinda-sorta feel like we have this mom and dad thing down - and it only took 5 months 😅🫶🏼🤍

weekends with my cute little family make my heart so happy 🥹

getting out on the town, exploring our new home for the first time since moving… now that we kinda-sorta feel like we have this mom and dad thing down - and it only took 5 months 😅🫶🏼🤍

these days I find myself living the ultimate paradox.
deeply grieving and joyfully celebrating
uninspired and more inspired than ever before
tired and so alive
dying and rebirthing every moment
so unsure and never more sure
turned off and so turned on by life
defeated and with purpose
locked out and so unbelievably connected
afraid and grounded
bored and so in awe of tiny moments
wanting to do more and so content in the slowness...

it feels like i’m being called deeper...
to the edge of who I now am preparing me, letting me gestate
until i’m ready to birth the next me

and as uncomfortable as it sometimes feels
i trust.
i breathe.
i’ve done this before so many times
i can let myself die
I can let myself be born again

these days I find myself living the ultimate paradox.
deeply grieving and joyfully celebrating
uninspired and more inspired than ever before
tired and so alive
dying and rebirthing every moment
so unsure and never more sure
turned off and so turned on by life
defeated and with purpose
locked out and so unbelievably connected
afraid and grounded
bored and so in awe of tiny moments
wanting to do more and so content in the slowness...

it feels like i’m being called deeper...
to the edge of who I now am preparing me, letting me gestate
until i’m ready to birth the next me

and as uncomfortable as it sometimes feels
i trust.
i breathe.
i’ve done this before so many times
i can let myself die
I can let myself be born again

Happy Anniversary husband 🤍✨
10 years of life together, 3 years married, one doggy child and one human child and countless adventures in between. I love our love and the life we are building together so much.
🥰🫶🏼❤️‍🔥🐾💋👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏼🥂👣💥🌈🤍

“You make my heart feel like it’s summer
When the rain is pouring down
You make my whole world feel so right when it’s wrong
That’s how I know you are the one
That’s why I know you are the one

Life, it’s easy to be scared of
With you, I am prepared for
What is yet to come
‘Cause our two hearts will make it easy
Joining up the pieces
Together, making one”

Happy Anniversary husband 🤍✨
10 years of life together, 3 years married, one doggy child and one human child and countless adventures in between. I love our love and the life we are building together so much.
🥰🫶🏼❤️‍🔥🐾💋👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏼🥂👣💥🌈🤍

“You make my heart feel like it’s summer
When the rain is pouring down
You make my whole world feel so right when it’s wrong
That’s how I know you are the one
That’s why I know you are the one

Life, it’s easy to be scared of
With you, I am prepared for
What is yet to come
‘Cause our two hearts will make it easy
Joining up the pieces
Together, making one”

i thought about taking my birth affirmation cards down earlier this week as it’s been 4 months since my birth (wow)

i told Matt I was thinking about it and he said “no, those stay up til we move out of this house.” so up they stay (and honestly i’m glad because I love them so much!)

every day, both he and I hold Willa in front of the mirror where one set of hangs above (the other is above the tub in the bathroom, swipe to see me in the early part of my labor!)

two nights ago after her bath, I held her in front of the mirror and she immediately looked up at the cards, so I started repeating the affirmations to her…

“you are safe, you are whole, you are loved”

there was a moment when i caught my own reflection in the mirror

and i realized that on the night before an operation I had yesterday morning that I was nervous about (all went well, i’m ok!) that i was speaking to myself, too.

and that these cards + the powerful messages written on them were there for me, letting me know once again how held and loved and safe I am 🤍

i thought about taking my birth affirmation cards down earlier this week as it’s been 4 months since my birth (wow)

i told Matt I was thinking about it and he said “no, those stay up til we move out of this house.” so up they stay (and honestly i’m glad because I love them so much!)

every day, both he and I hold Willa in front of the mirror where one set of hangs above (the other is above the tub in the bathroom, swipe to see me in the early part of my labor!)

two nights ago after her bath, I held her in front of the mirror and she immediately looked up at the cards, so I started repeating the affirmations to her…

“you are safe, you are whole, you are loved”

there was a moment when i caught my own reflection in the mirror

and i realized that on the night before an operation I had yesterday morning that I was nervous about (all went well, i’m ok!) that i was speaking to myself, too.

and that these cards + the powerful messages written on them were there for me, letting me know once again how held and loved and safe I am 🤍

life lately 🫶🏼

1 - my mermaid baby girl and me in the bathtub, our favorite place
2 - walking the ‘hood, getting some vitamin d and showing Willa the creek for the first time
3 - Willa’s first public blow out 💩 (whole foods lol) wearing only a blanket in her car seat bc rookie parents didn’t bring a change of clothes 🤦🏻‍♀️
4 - one of the only ways miss Willa Jade will fall asleep 😅 putting her down is an art form that we’re still mastering
5 - resting up on the couch with both my babies bc I got mastitis and felt like I was hit by a bus. cosmo wouldn’t leave my side, my baby man 🥰
6 - 👣🥹
7 - Willa meeting her big cousin for the first time! he was obsessed with her lol
8 - Willa concentrating v hard as Daddy teaches her all about magical things bc she’s obv a witch like her mama
9 - more breastfeeding couch snuggles
10 - milk druuuuunk

life lately 🫶🏼

1 - my mermaid baby girl and me in the bathtub, our favorite place
2 - walking the ‘hood, getting some vitamin d and showing Willa the creek for the first time
3 - Willa’s first public blow out 💩 (whole foods lol) wearing only a blanket in her car seat bc rookie parents didn’t bring a change of clothes 🤦🏻‍♀️
4 - one of the only ways miss Willa Jade will fall asleep 😅 putting her down is an art form that we’re still mastering
5 - resting up on the couch with both my babies bc I got mastitis and felt like I was hit by a bus. cosmo wouldn’t leave my side, my baby man 🥰
6 - 👣🥹
7 - Willa meeting her big cousin for the first time! he was obsessed with her lol
8 - Willa concentrating v hard as Daddy teaches her all about magical things bc she’s obv a witch like her mama
9 - more breastfeeding couch snuggles
10 - milk druuuuunk

Willa Jade made her way earthside on May 29th at 7:05am 🤍 7lb 6oz of pure joy and love

Matt and I welcomed her at home, on our own, with a very (very, very) intense and fierce 5.5 hour birth that pushed me so far beyond my limits i’ll never be the same.

I have so much to say about this experience free birthing our sweet babe once I process and rest.

But for now - i’m so unbelievably grateful to my husband Matt for being my incredible anchor and space holder through this wildly intense portal. I have no words other than I love you so much and thank you🥹🫶🏼🤯

#freebirth #homebirth #willajade

Willa Jade made her way earthside on May 29th at 7:05am 🤍 7lb 6oz of pure joy and love

Matt and I welcomed her at home, on our own, with a very (very, very) intense and fierce 5.5 hour birth that pushed me so far beyond my limits i’ll never be the same.

I have so much to say about this experience free birthing our sweet babe once I process and rest.

But for now - i’m so unbelievably grateful to my husband Matt for being my incredible anchor and space holder through this wildly intense portal. I have no words other than I love you so much and thank you🥹🫶🏼🤯

#freebirth #homebirth #willajade

how i’m holding myself thru these last days of waiting for bb girl - 1st pic
❤️‍🔥👸🏻🫶🏼🦋🙏🏻

+ plus photos of life this past week 🥰

#41weekspregnant #babywaiting #motherhoodjourney #wildpregnancy

how i’m holding myself thru these last days of waiting for bb girl - 1st pic
❤️‍🔥👸🏻🫶🏼🦋🙏🏻

+ plus photos of life this past week 🥰

#41weekspregnant #babywaiting #motherhoodjourney #wildpregnancy

savoring the : s p a c e : between
who I am now
and who i’m becoming

MOTHER

honoring the small, simple moments
and choosing to trust, surrender and open
to the magic that is already here
so that I can better hold the magic
that is coming 💗🫶🏼🦋

savoring the : s p a c e : between
who I am now
and who i’m becoming

MOTHER

honoring the small, simple moments
and choosing to trust, surrender and open
to the magic that is already here
so that I can better hold the magic
that is coming 💗🫶🏼🦋

40 weeks 💗🦋
of loving you and
getting know you
growing inside me

we are so excited to meet you
to be the first to welcome you to earth and to our family, sweet baby 🤍

I can’t wait to hold those little hands and touch those little feet
that have been poking and kicking me from inside for so many months 👣🫶🏼

for now we’ll be patiently waiting for you to be ready to join us
and i’ll be cuddling and loving on our first baby 🐶 (swipe to 3rd pic)

40 weeks 💗🦋
of loving you and
getting know you
growing inside me

we are so excited to meet you
to be the first to welcome you to earth and to our family, sweet baby 🤍

I can’t wait to hold those little hands and touch those little feet
that have been poking and kicking me from inside for so many months 👣🫶🏼

for now we’ll be patiently waiting for you to be ready to join us
and i’ll be cuddling and loving on our first baby 🐶 (swipe to 3rd pic)

I was so afraid in the beginning of my pregnancy {part 2}

I vividly remember sitting on the edge of the hot tub in Kauai, dangling my legs in, looking out over the ocean

I would lower my body in for just a few moments and then come out so that I didn’t get “too hot” and hurt my baby

I stopped going to the sauna, stopped working out “too hard,” started taking all the supplements and made that first “necessary” doctor appt.

None of this was coming from a place of motherly instinct or intuition… it was all fear and conditioning

Projected fear that I had absorbed from outside of myself my entire life.

Fear that claimed, “birth is dangerous and unpredictable. It’s something to be afraid of. You should do everything in your power to control it.”

I really didn’t realize just how much this conditioning impacted me because at the same time, I always knew I wasn’t having my babies in a hospital. I always knew that home birth was for me.

So, I followed what I thought was the more “natural” path: I hired Midwives to support me at home

Only the deeper i dove into this journey, the more I felt into what I truly WANTED (vs what I was afraid of / what I didn’t want) the more wrong that even this type of care felt for me.

In every visit the word ‘hospital’ came up at least once and I thought to myself, “but i’m planning a HOME birth… why is there so much talk of potentially, possibly going to the hospital??!!”

And then after my 3rd visit I knew I was done. They told me that they “required” certain tests in order to support me at home. Tests that I just didn’t see the point in and quite honestly had NO desire to do.

So I listened to the knowing in my heart and body. I parted ways and never looked back (more on this in another post ❤️‍🔥)

This entire journey has been about untangling the web of lies and fear, unlearning so much and ultimately stepping more fully into my sovereignty and power as a woman who deeply knows and trusts my body, the birth process and my baby.

i’m so grateful for what this pregnancy and this sweet soul has brought into my life and for what it’s helped me clear out and release from my system 🤍

I was so afraid in the beginning of my pregnancy {part 2}

I vividly remember sitting on the edge of the hot tub in Kauai, dangling my legs in, looking out over the ocean

I would lower my body in for just a few moments and then come out so that I didn’t get “too hot” and hurt my baby

I stopped going to the sauna, stopped working out “too hard,” started taking all the supplements and made that first “necessary” doctor appt.

None of this was coming from a place of motherly instinct or intuition… it was all fear and conditioning

Projected fear that I had absorbed from outside of myself my entire life.

Fear that claimed, “birth is dangerous and unpredictable. It’s something to be afraid of. You should do everything in your power to control it.”

I really didn’t realize just how much this conditioning impacted me because at the same time, I always knew I wasn’t having my babies in a hospital. I always knew that home birth was for me.

So, I followed what I thought was the more “natural” path: I hired Midwives to support me at home

Only the deeper i dove into this journey, the more I felt into what I truly WANTED (vs what I was afraid of / what I didn’t want) the more wrong that even this type of care felt for me.

In every visit the word ‘hospital’ came up at least once and I thought to myself, “but i’m planning a HOME birth… why is there so much talk of potentially, possibly going to the hospital??!!”

And then after my 3rd visit I knew I was done. They told me that they “required” certain tests in order to support me at home. Tests that I just didn’t see the point in and quite honestly had NO desire to do.

So I listened to the knowing in my heart and body. I parted ways and never looked back (more on this in another post ❤️‍🔥)

This entire journey has been about untangling the web of lies and fear, unlearning so much and ultimately stepping more fully into my sovereignty and power as a woman who deeply knows and trusts my body, the birth process and my baby.

i’m so grateful for what this pregnancy and this sweet soul has brought into my life and for what it’s helped me clear out and release from my system 🤍

I was so afraid in the beginning of my pregnancy {part 1}

or actually, what’s more true is this:

the beginning of my pregnancy drudged up so many deep, deep fears that I was holding about life, death and my self worth that I didn’t even know were buried within me

2 weeks after i found I out was pregnant, we went to Kauai on a plant medicine retreat

the first night of ceremony brought me to my knees as soon as grandmother entered my system

[tw: miscarriage]

I went to the bathroom and as i’m peeing on the toilet I have a very clear and graphic vision:

I miscarried my baby into the toilet
there’s blood everywhere
with all these people around - many that i don’t know
and then the vision showed them all holding me, grieving with me, honoring me, supporting me
…and that felt just as horrifying to me as the miscarriage itself

I came out of the vision and threw myself onto the bed
sobs emerging deep from within my womb
it was both a deeply embodied experience and an out of body one, too.

I spent the next few hours grieving the possibility of losing our baby in the arms of my husband

I had a friend tell me, “don’t think about that, it’s not happening”
but that wasn’t an option

this medicine (grief) was relentlessly HERE for me, I couldn’t just push it aside
it wrung me dry and I let it

my two deepest fears - loss and not being enough - which really boil all the way down to one: death -
bared themselves to me within the first two weeks of my pregnancy

i’m so aware of how entwined birth and death are, but this is the first time i’ve reflected to see just how present death has been this whole time for me

giving me the opportunity to slowly untangle and unearth these fears and allowing me to find peace and acceptance within that

It took a couple weeks to integrate that experience (clearly I still am) but after that, I didn’t fear losing my baby.

instead the truth emerged from within me:
I trust my path. I trust my body. I trust birth. I trust that whatever I am meant to experience in this life, I can handle it and it will serve me deeply 🤍

I was so afraid in the beginning of my pregnancy {part 1}

or actually, what’s more true is this:

the beginning of my pregnancy drudged up so many deep, deep fears that I was holding about life, death and my self worth that I didn’t even know were buried within me

2 weeks after i found I out was pregnant, we went to Kauai on a plant medicine retreat

the first night of ceremony brought me to my knees as soon as grandmother entered my system

[tw: miscarriage]

I went to the bathroom and as i’m peeing on the toilet I have a very clear and graphic vision:

I miscarried my baby into the toilet
there’s blood everywhere
with all these people around - many that i don’t know
and then the vision showed them all holding me, grieving with me, honoring me, supporting me
…and that felt just as horrifying to me as the miscarriage itself

I came out of the vision and threw myself onto the bed
sobs emerging deep from within my womb
it was both a deeply embodied experience and an out of body one, too.

I spent the next few hours grieving the possibility of losing our baby in the arms of my husband

I had a friend tell me, “don’t think about that, it’s not happening”
but that wasn’t an option

this medicine (grief) was relentlessly HERE for me, I couldn’t just push it aside
it wrung me dry and I let it

my two deepest fears - loss and not being enough - which really boil all the way down to one: death -
bared themselves to me within the first two weeks of my pregnancy

i’m so aware of how entwined birth and death are, but this is the first time i’ve reflected to see just how present death has been this whole time for me

giving me the opportunity to slowly untangle and unearth these fears and allowing me to find peace and acceptance within that

It took a couple weeks to integrate that experience (clearly I still am) but after that, I didn’t fear losing my baby.

instead the truth emerged from within me:
I trust my path. I trust my body. I trust birth. I trust that whatever I am meant to experience in this life, I can handle it and it will serve me deeply 🤍

on the 120th day after we conceived our sweet baby (Dec 10, 2022), a group of our closest friends gathered at our home to celebrate my motherhood journey 🤍

this was an extra special day because according to kundalini tradition, the 120th day this is when “the Creative Force grants full incarnation of the baby’s soul into the body.”

Aimee from @altaredspace facilitated a gorgeous ceremony and held the most sacred space for everyone to bless me with their words and wishes, touch, gifts and nourishment.

We dropped into our bodies and welcomed baby’s soul with meditation, chanting, a bath salt blessing and a gong bath.

As the bowl of salt was passed around, each person added drops of oils and herbs as they voiced their wishes for me and our growing family. It was so special 🥰

I’m so grateful to have had this experience…and that i recorded it to support me as I dive deeper into the birth portal over these next weeks ♾️

I remember feeling so celebrated, touched, loved and supported by each of our friends who shared this experience with me (including ones who couldn’t be there in person)

i’m holding that feeling with me now that i’ve been guided so far away… all the way across the country, “alone” (but not really), to birth our sweet babe into the world 🥰

we’re so used to having baby showers and celebrating the baby, which is beautiful…but mamas-to-be: I highly recommend allowing yourself to receive and be held in this way ♥️

on the 120th day after we conceived our sweet baby (Dec 10, 2022), a group of our closest friends gathered at our home to celebrate my motherhood journey 🤍

this was an extra special day because according to kundalini tradition, the 120th day this is when “the Creative Force grants full incarnation of the baby’s soul into the body.”

Aimee from @altaredspace facilitated a gorgeous ceremony and held the most sacred space for everyone to bless me with their words and wishes, touch, gifts and nourishment.

We dropped into our bodies and welcomed baby’s soul with meditation, chanting, a bath salt blessing and a gong bath.

As the bowl of salt was passed around, each person added drops of oils and herbs as they voiced their wishes for me and our growing family. It was so special 🥰

I’m so grateful to have had this experience…and that i recorded it to support me as I dive deeper into the birth portal over these next weeks ♾️

I remember feeling so celebrated, touched, loved and supported by each of our friends who shared this experience with me (including ones who couldn’t be there in person)

i’m holding that feeling with me now that i’ve been guided so far away… all the way across the country, “alone” (but not really), to birth our sweet babe into the world 🥰

we’re so used to having baby showers and celebrating the baby, which is beautiful…but mamas-to-be: I highly recommend allowing yourself to receive and be held in this way ♥️

Some beautiful moments from last weekend when baby girl and I were showered with love 💗

I’m so grateful to everyone who came to celebrate us and those who were there in spirit / celebrating from afar

🤍

I’m 33 weeks today. So close to meeting our our girl.

This has been the most intense, beautiful, challenging, intimate, clarifying, aligning and fun journey of my entire life so far. I feel so lucky to be able to experience all the moments, even when they’re hard (and lately they have been!). What a gorgeous gift it is to have a womb and experience life growing within it 💗🦋🌀🪺🥹🌈🤎

Some beautiful moments from last weekend when baby girl and I were showered with love 💗

I’m so grateful to everyone who came to celebrate us and those who were there in spirit / celebrating from afar

🤍

I’m 33 weeks today. So close to meeting our our girl.

This has been the most intense, beautiful, challenging, intimate, clarifying, aligning and fun journey of my entire life so far. I feel so lucky to be able to experience all the moments, even when they’re hard (and lately they have been!). What a gorgeous gift it is to have a womb and experience life growing within it 💗🦋🌀🪺🥹🌈🤎

hadn’t moved my body like THIS in a hot minute 🔥
it feels SO GOOD to move and celebrate this beautiful body as it continues to expand and change - which feels like is happening every minute lately!
so grateful that this being chose to come through me and share my body with me. it’s by far the most magical and awe inspiring experience of my life - and i’ve had lots so far 😉

hadn’t moved my body like THIS in a hot minute 🔥
it feels SO GOOD to move and celebrate this beautiful body as it continues to expand and change - which feels like is happening every minute lately!
so grateful that this being chose to come through me and share my body with me. it’s by far the most magical and awe inspiring experience of my life - and i’ve had lots so far 😉

I love being a woman in this life
🤰🏻💃🏻❤️‍🔥💦🧲✨🌀🫦🙏🏻

#internationalwomensday

I love being a woman in this life
🤰🏻💃🏻❤️‍🔥💦🧲✨🌀🫦🙏🏻

#internationalwomensday

allowing space for it all 🌀

I felt a subtle but deep shame layer pop up today which was masked with anger, frustration and some dissociation. I love how easily i’m able to really SEE what’s happening in me now - so much more quickly than before.

lately I haven’t felt super called to drop into “practice” instead, I feel that things have been processing through me with vulnerable conversations, movement and radical honesty with myself

but tonight I could FEEL that I needed to enter the terrain of my inner world and meet these textured sensations. so I turned on my Somatic Alchemy practice from WET (seriously, I blow my own mind every time I let myself hold myself in this way) and wow - it was the perfect entry into it all

I had waves and waves of nausea and disgust tied in with anger and a little sadness. I allowed them to move and afterwards I felt so much more connected to the tender parts underneath 🤍

i’ve been really aware of how my emotional world is impacting my baby and i’m doing as much as I can to clear the space inside me for her. and when I can’t or when things feel intense, I always tell her “honey this has nothing to do with you. i know this might feel intense, but this is mine and not yours, you can let it go” or something along those lines.

it’s really wild to be sharing a body with another being but I love how much it’s been teaching me and brining me into deeper integrity with myself ❤️‍🔥

allowing space for it all 🌀

I felt a subtle but deep shame layer pop up today which was masked with anger, frustration and some dissociation. I love how easily i’m able to really SEE what’s happening in me now - so much more quickly than before.

lately I haven’t felt super called to drop into “practice” instead, I feel that things have been processing through me with vulnerable conversations, movement and radical honesty with myself

but tonight I could FEEL that I needed to enter the terrain of my inner world and meet these textured sensations. so I turned on my Somatic Alchemy practice from WET (seriously, I blow my own mind every time I let myself hold myself in this way) and wow - it was the perfect entry into it all

I had waves and waves of nausea and disgust tied in with anger and a little sadness. I allowed them to move and afterwards I felt so much more connected to the tender parts underneath 🤍

i’ve been really aware of how my emotional world is impacting my baby and i’m doing as much as I can to clear the space inside me for her. and when I can’t or when things feel intense, I always tell her “honey this has nothing to do with you. i know this might feel intense, but this is mine and not yours, you can let it go” or something along those lines.

it’s really wild to be sharing a body with another being but I love how much it’s been teaching me and brining me into deeper integrity with myself ❤️‍🔥

the closeness
I feel to you
in these precious moments, sweet one
bring me infinite joy and gratitude
and at the same time
I feel sadness for the day
when you won’t be this close to me anymore
i’m learning to hold every moment in sacred presence as best as I can 🖤
//

the things that come up and are unlocked within me every day are beyond anything I ever could have imagined before entering this journey.

it feels like there is SO much I want to share, while at the same time it all feels too precious and sacred to put into words.

i’m just existing in it all
letting it consume me, letting it hold me and teach me and expand me and crack me wide open moment after moment 🖤

the closeness
I feel to you
in these precious moments, sweet one
bring me infinite joy and gratitude
and at the same time
I feel sadness for the day
when you won’t be this close to me anymore
i’m learning to hold every moment in sacred presence as best as I can 🖤
//

the things that come up and are unlocked within me every day are beyond anything I ever could have imagined before entering this journey.

it feels like there is SO much I want to share, while at the same time it all feels too precious and sacred to put into words.

i’m just existing in it all
letting it consume me, letting it hold me and teach me and expand me and crack me wide open moment after moment 🖤

powerful AF things I can say today about myself that I couldn’t say a year ago…

💫 I am so clear that I am on MY path
💫 I deeply trust and listen to my body
💫 I deeply trust that what i’m meant to experience, i will experience
💫 I deeply trust the timing of my life
💫 I deeply trust that the Universe has me and that *i* have me
💫 I know that having the desire to experience something means that it’s possible for me
💫 I deeply trust my body’s natural cycles and I know that I don’t need to force anything
💫 I deeply trust that my rhythm is exactly right. just because other people are doing something doesn’t mean i’m wrong or should be doing it too. the season i’m in is MY season and is exactly right for me
💫 The support that I crave and desire and need… I get to experience that EXACTLY the way I want to. no compromises or operating from scarcity
💫 it is so safe to say goodbye, let go and walk away.. and walk towards what I know is meant for me
💫 I am an erotic, sensual, sexual being and that’s both powerful and HUMAN. I will not be shamed or made wrong for my body’s innate expression

it feels good to declare these and share them. they all feel so true in my body AND i’m always holding the space for me to deepen into even more potent truth within each of these areas

the last 5 months have been a deep and wild ride. i’ve let go of so so so much. i’ve said no and walked away from things that I never thought i’d be able to. this journey towards Mother is waking me up and igniting me in ways that I never could have imagined and grateful doesn’t even begin to describe how i feel ❤️‍🔥

tell me.. which one resonated with you the most?

📷: @_oneluciddream_ 🤍

powerful AF things I can say today about myself that I couldn’t say a year ago…

💫 I am so clear that I am on MY path
💫 I deeply trust and listen to my body
💫 I deeply trust that what i’m meant to experience, i will experience
💫 I deeply trust the timing of my life
💫 I deeply trust that the Universe has me and that *i* have me
💫 I know that having the desire to experience something means that it’s possible for me
💫 I deeply trust my body’s natural cycles and I know that I don’t need to force anything
💫 I deeply trust that my rhythm is exactly right. just because other people are doing something doesn’t mean i’m wrong or should be doing it too. the season i’m in is MY season and is exactly right for me
💫 The support that I crave and desire and need… I get to experience that EXACTLY the way I want to. no compromises or operating from scarcity
💫 it is so safe to say goodbye, let go and walk away.. and walk towards what I know is meant for me
💫 I am an erotic, sensual, sexual being and that’s both powerful and HUMAN. I will not be shamed or made wrong for my body’s innate expression

it feels good to declare these and share them. they all feel so true in my body AND i’m always holding the space for me to deepen into even more potent truth within each of these areas

the last 5 months have been a deep and wild ride. i’ve let go of so so so much. i’ve said no and walked away from things that I never thought i’d be able to. this journey towards Mother is waking me up and igniting me in ways that I never could have imagined and grateful doesn’t even begin to describe how i feel ❤️‍🔥

tell me.. which one resonated with you the most?

📷: @_oneluciddream_ 🤍

Leading retreats is where I feel the most ALIVE ❤️‍🔥

Free, grounded in my medicine, anchored in my power and so deeply connected to the magic and gifts that move through me 💫

I’ve always wanted to go to Mt. Shasta because I mean - LOOK at it 😍 and to be leading a retreat in this sacred place with someone who’s so connected to the Earth and her embodied medicine - such a dream!

@sterlingroseart and I invite YOU - the woman who’s…
🏔️ seeking a space to explore her body and creativity
🏔️ connect with nature in a deep and powerful way
🏔️ practice and unravel in sage, sacred sisterhood
🏔️ create lotsssss of art (think body paint!! and land art)
🏔️ drop into her body to release, heal and find deeper truth and purpose

…to join us in this wild experience. We’ve got 40 acres of land to explore, a gorgeous itinerary planned and of course healthy beautiful food ready to nourish you.

12 spots only and our early bird rate is valid thru 1/31!

tap the 🔗 in our bios or stories to learn more and our DMs are always open 🫶🏼

Leading retreats is where I feel the most ALIVE ❤️‍🔥

Free, grounded in my medicine, anchored in my power and so deeply connected to the magic and gifts that move through me 💫

I’ve always wanted to go to Mt. Shasta because I mean - LOOK at it 😍 and to be leading a retreat in this sacred place with someone who’s so connected to the Earth and her embodied medicine - such a dream!

@sterlingroseart and I invite YOU - the woman who’s…
🏔️ seeking a space to explore her body and creativity
🏔️ connect with nature in a deep and powerful way
🏔️ practice and unravel in sage, sacred sisterhood
🏔️ create lotsssss of art (think body paint!! and land art)
🏔️ drop into her body to release, heal and find deeper truth and purpose

…to join us in this wild experience. We’ve got 40 acres of land to explore, a gorgeous itinerary planned and of course healthy beautiful food ready to nourish you.

12 spots only and our early bird rate is valid thru 1/31!

tap the 🔗 in our bios or stories to learn more and our DMs are always open 🫶🏼

.pro-gallery-wix-wrapper {display: block !important;} .pro-gallery-wix-wrapper .gallery-item-container {opacity: 1 !important; display: block !important;}

GET IN TOUCH

Thanks for submitting!

APPLY TO WORK WITH ME 1:1

amanda@amandacastilone.com

© 2025 Amanda Castilone

bottom of page